Healing Wounds
by Inyri
Summary: Ezri Dax has decided to have her zhian'tara, the Trill ritual in which each of a Joined Trill's hosts are embodied by family members and friends. This causes some tension on the station when the ritual includes the embodiment of Jadzia. Some E/Ju, K/O
1. Chapter 1

Healing Wounds

Historian's Note: This takes place mid-7th season.

Chapter One

"I've been thinking about something," Ezri Dax announced. Julian Bashir lifted his gaze from across the Replimattable, a look of interest on his features.

"Oh, what's that?" Ezri hesitated, as though not sure whether she really wanted to tell Julian what had been consuming her thoughts for the last few days.

"Do you remember Jadzia's zhian'tara?" she forced out. If she had learned one thing about counseling it was that it feels better to talk things out. Julian barely had to pause before giving his answer.

"Of course. That was when we all embodied Dax's previous hosts." Then the implication of Ezri's statement sank into Julian's genetically-enhanced brain and he asked warily, "Why do you ask?" Ezri knotted her thin eyebrows, placing the words in her head before blurting them out.

"I think that I want to have my zhian'tara." Julian seemed concerned for a beat, before something else came to mind and a relieved smile spread across his face.

"I'm sure Captain Sisko will give you leave to go..."

"No," Ezri interjected. "I want to have it here, on the station." Julian was taken aback by her statement. The first of many disastrous hypothetical situations ran circles around his mind.

"Why? Don't all Trills usually go back to the Trill homeworld?" Ezri nodded to affirm Julian's facts as accurate.

"However, I want to have it here," Ezri reiterated. "Think about it. Everyone that I care about is here. All the people that used to be important aren't anymore because of my joining. You see? I_ have_ to have it here." Julian was silent a moment before letting out a resigned sigh.

"Ok, but why now?"

"Because I want to find myself. I want to understand this new me," she explained, her piercing blue eyes directed at her friend. "And the only way to do that is to have my zhian'tara. This way, I can learn about these other parts that have become the whole– Ezri Dax. To know who I am, I must know who I've been."

Julian was quiet again. To him it all made perfect sense. Ezri was obviously passionate about this idea and she was his friend. Therefore, he should back her up completely, especially in this difficult time. Why, then, did he have a nagging feeling of dread? He looked at up at Ezri with the intention of helping her find her way.

"I'd be willing to lend Torias my body again." A smile lit up Ezri's face, almost to the point of illuminating her spots. "But only on one condition," he warned jokingly with an upraised finger. "You can't serve him any food. I gained two pounds last time." Ezri chuckled lightly.

"You've got yourself a deal."

"Are you sure this is a good idea, Old Man?" Ezri looked up at Benjamin Sisko from across his desk.

"Of course it is," she answered, attempting to sound confident. Benjamin's dark eyes lit up and he focused them directly on the short Trill. He was still getting used to talking down to her.

"And I'm assuming you came here to ask me to embody Jeran again." Ezri nodded. "Well, I don't see a problem with it. Only this time, don't open the force field, no matter what I say." The two old friends shared a smile and Ben continued to pace behind his desk.

"Benjamin, something's bothering you. What is it?"

"I noticed that you've planned this to occur while Worf's away," he said. "Is that the right way to handle it?" Ezri was quiet a moment, her lips pressed together in thought.

"I think so," she admitted eventually. "I don't want to reopen any healed wounds. It would be a lot easier if he wasn't here." Her Human friend nodded slowly.

"Whatever you think is right."

Ezri entered _Quark's_, the noise and smell filling her with a sense of familiarity. She smiled to herself as she steered directly for the bar. She took a seat and Quark materialized before her almost instantly.

"Ezri!" the sharp-toothed proprietor began. "It's nice to see you. What can I get you?" Ezri smiled at the Ferengi and answered,

"A synthale will be fine."

"Coming right up!" Quark said, turning to replicate her order. Moments later he turned to place her drink on the bar before her. "So, how have you been? Has Starfleet kept you busy?"

"Busy enough. Actually, I'm here to ask a favor," she confided. Quark leaned in closer across the bar, his interest piqued.

"I'm listening." Ezri held back a smile, her lips tightening and her eyes growing slightly wider. The expression reminded Quark so much of Jadzia that he was nearly knocked off his feet.

"I need you to embody Audrid for my zhian'tara."

"Oh no, not again. Listen, Ezri, I like you. I really do. But nothing you do or say could make me do that again." Ezri raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"Wow. If I knew you felt that strongly about it I wouldn't have asked," Ezri said. "I guess I'll have to find someone else." Quark nodded to affirm her statement. He moved away, leaving Ezri to think.

Ezri stared into her synthale, possibilities running through her mind. She was so deep in thought that she didn't hear Leeta approach.

"Ezri, are you okay?" The Bajoran's sweet voice broke Ezri from her slight trance. She looked up at Leeta and answered,

"Yeah, I was just trying to figure something out." Then Ezri realized who she was talking to and she remembered something. She wanted Leeta to embody Emony again.

"Can I help?" Leeta asked.

"Maybe. But first I want to ask you something."

"Sure," the Bajoran woman said. "What is it?"

"I'm going to have my zhian'tara. Will you embody Emony for me?" Leeta nodded.

"Of course," she agreed. "Now, what was your problem?" Ezri sighed.

"Quark won't embody Audrid."

"Oh, well that's no surprise," Leeta pointed out. She sat there thinking for a moment, her face scrunched in a look of concentration. "You could ask Rom," she said eventually. "I'm sure he'll do it." Ezri smiled at her friend.

"Good idea. Thanks Leeta." She spotted Rom on the other side of the bar and got up to speak with him.

Ezri stepped from the busy Promenade into Julian's tidy Infirmary. She smiled to herself, thinking about how much the state of the Infirmary reflected Julian's personality. Hearing her enter, Julian turned from the screen he'd been studying.

"Hello again," he said in greeting. "How goes the body hunt?" Ezri chuckled.

"Pretty good. I only have one more person to ask."

"Wow, that was quick," Julian commented. "Who'd you ask?"

"Well," Ezri began, thinking back over the day. "I got Kasidy to embody Lela and Miles to be Tobin again. Leeta's Emony and Rom's agreed to be Audrid. I asked Quark but he refused."

"Somehow I'm not surprised."

"Me neither," Ezri agreed. "I thought I'd try anyway."

"I assume the Captain's going to be Jeran...?" Julian half-asked. Ezri nodded.

"And Jake's agreed to be Curzon," she told him. "I didn't want to involve Odo again considering what happened last time."

Julian just nodded, all joviality fading as they both thought of the last host. They stood silent, neither wishing to speak what they knew was to come next.

Ezri began slowly and softly, as though afraid to break the taboo that had unconsciously been constructed in regard to Dax's last host.

"I'm going to ask Nerys to embody Jadzia."

"That seems appropriate," Julian whispered cordially, his voice rough with hardly concealed emotion. He paused, as though deciding whether or not to say something more. He ultimately chose silence and the moment passed.

"Well, I'll see you in the morning, Julian," Ezri spoke.

"Goodnight," he answered, returning to his work. Ezri watched his back for a moment before turning on her heel and walking out into the night rush of the Promenade, leaving a heart-sick man to delve in the pool of his own thoughts.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Notes: I want to say "Thank you!" to everyone who's reading this. It's an idea I've had for a long time and I only hope that I can do it justice. It's really great to see that there are people who still read DS9 fanfiction. **Subsequent chapters should be posted rather quickly.** Comments are always appreciated (even critique!). Enjoy and thanks for reading!

Chapter 2

Ezri Dax was visibly nervous as she waited outside Kira's quarters. She'd rehearsed her question a hundred times already. It was now or…

Ezri put her hand up to the door panel, hesitated, then restarted her pacing. She muttered her speech to herself,

"I would really appreciate it if…"

"It would mean so much to me if…"

"I know this will be difficult for you given your close relationship to Jadzia, but…"

Ezri stopped, the light of the hallway suddenly hostile and cold.

"I'm a counselor," she said to herself. "I can do this. I ask my patients to do more frightening things than this every day. I should be able to do this one thing. Besides, Kira is my friend and I shouldn't be afraid to ask her for anything. Still, it is a big request and I don't know that…"

Ezri's little speech was cut short by the sound of an opening door.

Colonel Kira Nerys ambled out of her quarters, her red uniform fresh for the day. She had a mug in one hand and a taciturn changeling in tow. The two stopped at the sight of Ezri, obviously surprised by her presence.

"Good morning," Kira said, smiling. "Can I do something for you?"

_Is it that obvious that I was stalking around outside your quarters?_ Ezri wondered. A bit embarrassed, she wondered if she should put off talking to Kira.

_No, Ezri_, her counseling training said._ You have to do this. Now. _Ezri imagined her Dax symbiont agreeing.

Ezri gathered up all the nerve the Dax hosts had to offer and said,

"Actually, there was something I wanted to talk to you about. Constable, could I possibly steal Colonel Kira for a moment?"

"Of course," Odo grumbled in his usual tone. Then, with a greater degree of tenderness, he told Kira, "I'll see you later in my office."

The Bajoran smiled at him and he went down the hall toward the turbolift. Ezri and Kira were alone.

"I'll make this quick," Ezri said. "I just have a…favor to ask."

"Sure," Kira said, "what is it?"

Ezri clenched her hands behind her back, shifted once from heels to toes, then blurted out,

"I need you to embody Jadzia for my zhian'tara."

Kira's round eyes widened. Ezri felt a need to elaborate. She started her nervous chattering,

"Well you see, you were part of Jadzia's zhian'tara so I knew you'd be comfortable with the whole procedure and well you were one of her closest friends and it only seems right that you'd—"

"Ezri," Kira cut in, "I'd be honored."

It took a moment for Kira's words to sink in.

"What?...Really?"

Kira nodded, putting a hand on Ezri's arm.

"Just tell me when you need me and I'll be there," Kira said.

Ezri looked up at her friend, wondering how she'd made the decision so quickly. But when she saw it in Kira's eyes, that unmistakable yet unnamable _something_, she understood. This wasn't going to be easy for any of them, but Kira was brave enough to go through with it. Just as Ezri had to be brave enough. Just as they all had to be.

"Thank you," Ezri said, her voice almost a whisper.

Kira gave her a small smile then left to take her station in Ops.

The guardian wouldn't stop pulling on the hem of his shirt. Ezri found it extremely distracting as they walked on the Promenade. The man was frail, like most Trills who spent their days underground guarding the symbionts, and extremely jittery. He was chattering away about his trip (apparently he'd been inconvenienced many a time) and Ezri thought she'd go crazy if she had to listen to any more of it. She started to block it out, nodding occasionally to make it seem like she was listening. She knew that she shouldn't be doing it, but her mind was too focused on her zhian'tara. The issues surrounding the ritual were far more important than the food they'd served on the Trill transport ship.

_Just take it one host at a time_, she told herself._ The first few will be easy. Once you get past that, you can worry about the others. You can do this._

Ezri set her jaw, trying to stir up confidence, and turned to the guardian asking,

"When can we start?"

He'd obviously been talking when Ezri spoke because he stopped walking, looking rather perturbed.

"We can start once I've set up," he said, a bit irritated. Ezri pushed his irritation aside. She had too many other things to worry about.

"Great," she said, smiling. "I'll show you to the quarters we've set aside."

"Very well," the guardian said. He was silent for the rest of the walk.

They finally reached the quarters set aside for the zhian'tara. Ezri palmed open the door.

_Let's get this over with._


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"He did _what_!?" Julian asked, his eyes bright. Ezri tried to stop laughing as she described Tobin's reaction.

"He was so surprised that stepped backward into the ritual set-up and completely knocked it over." Ezri continued between giggles, "I had to call in the guardian. He was _not_ happy."

Julian chuckled with his friend, watching her carefully. There was so much that she wasn't saying. So many things she wanted to say and yet wasn't. Laughter made for a good distraction.

"But what about Dax's first host, Lela?" Julian asked. "Jadzia spoke highly of her."

The mention of Jadzia subdued Ezri. The laughter vanished instantly. Julian had said the name lightly, trying to keep things non-confrontational. Ezri looked down at her hands, saying,

"Lela is a wise woman. She taught me a lot about myself."

She looked up at Julian, smiling again.

"She's the reason I hold my hands behind my back!" she said.

Julian wanted to say that Jadzia had made the same discovery but he held his tongue.

"Isn't that funny," he said instead.

"She was really good to talk to," Ezri continued. "I started telling her about how I was Joined even though I wasn't trained for it and how hard it was to adjust to having Dax inside me. She's a good listener and she's good at giving advice. She gave me a lot to think about."

"If you don't mind me asking," Julian began, leaning a bit closer, "what did she say to you?"

Ezri looked off into the distance like she always did when she was remembering something. Julian waited patiently for her words.

"She told me that sometimes things happen to you that you're totally unprepared for. They just appear out of nowhere and change your life forever."

_Totally unprepared for…_

Julian's mind immediately shifted to the memory of Jadzia dying on his biobed in his infirmary and being utterly unable to save her.

_Change your life forever…_

"And what did she say?" Julian asked quietly, evenly.

Ezri spoke quietly, too.

"She said that you have to accept whatever life gives you because if you don't, you'll always be miserable. You have to take what you have and make the best of it. You have to be thankful for what you have because you could always have much less."

The words dissipated from hearing, lingering in each of their minds.

"She is a very optimistic woman," Julian whispered.

"Yes," Ezri agreed. "I wish I could be half as hopeful as she is."

Julian looked up at her, saying,

"But isn't that what Dax is for? You do have her hope because you have Dax. Lela's a part of you, so her hope is a part of you, too."

Ezri's enormous, childlike eyes lit up.

"You're right," she said. "I guess I have more in me than I thought."

Julian smiled at her, thinking that she had something else, something just as precious as hope, inside her.

_Jadzia._

"So," Julian started, his tone upbeat. "Tell me about Emony. What did you talk to her about?"

,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,././

The noise level at _Quark's_ was a few decibels softer than usual.

It was driving Quark crazy. He scowled, scrubbing the bar harder than necessary.

Rom approached him, smiling stupidly.

"Well, brother, I'm off," he said.

"Off where?" Quark asked, annoyed. "As I recall, your shift doesn't end for another two hours."

"You told me I could get off early today," Rom said. "Ezri needs me for her ritual."

"That's today?" Quark asked.

"Well, I don't know about everyone, but my part is," Rom explained.

"I still can't believe you agreed to it," Quark said. "I did it last time for Jadzia and it was only because she tricked me into it. Giving up your body for some dead person…" Quark shivered at the thought. "How'd she talk you into it?"

"She didn't," Rom said. "I agreed right away."

Quark looked at his brother, shaking his head.

"I always knew you were an idiot. Who is she making you be?"

"She told me that I was taking your place," Rom answered. "Someone named Audrid."

Quark smiled.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" he asked. "You better get there before Ezri starts wondering where you are."

"But what about my shift?"

"I'll cover your shift," Quark said.

"That's very generous of you, brother."

Rom started out, then turned around.

"Why are you being so generous?" he asked, suspicion in his voice.

Quark put his hands out in a sign of goodwill.

"Ezri is my friend," he said. "If taking your shift helps out a friend, then I'll take your shift. Is there something wrong with that?"

"Nooo," Rom admitted. "Still…"

"Get out of here before I change my mind," Quark said.

"Yes, brother. Right away, brother."

Rom scuttled out of the bar. Quark could only smile.

"Say hello to Audrid for me."

The drop in bar-noise suddenly didn't bother him so much.

,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,././

The guardian finished his incantation and Julian felt Torias completely leave his body. He let out a sigh of relief. It was good to be alone in his body again.

"I shall retire," the guardian said. "I'll see you tomorrow." He gave a head-nod of goodnight and walked out, leaving Julian and Ezri alone.

Ezri stretched her back and put a hand to her neck.

"Long day?" Julian asked.

"Yes," Ezri said. "Long, yet interesting."

"Let me walk you back to your quarters," Julian said.

"Thank you."

The halls were empty as they walked. They were quiet for a moment. Julian watched Ezri as she walked beside him. She was obviously tired and her mind was light-years away.

"Hey, you're more than halfway done," he said.

"Yeah," Ezri said. "But that was the easy half. Tomorrow I'm meeting with Jeran."

"He's going to be in a holding cell, right?"

Ezri nodded.

"Odo has already made all the arrangements." She smiled. "He's so good to me." Then, looking at Julian, she said,

"You're all so good to me. I don't deserve it."

"Of course you do," Julian said.

Ezri watched their feet.

"Thank you," she said.

They came to her quarters. Ezri stood by the door a moment, hesitating. Then she looked up at Julian, saying,

"Thank you for everything. I really appreciate it."

Julian smiled.

"What are friends for?"

They stood there for a moment in the hallway. Then, suddenly, Ezri put her arms around Julian's waist, leaning her head on his chest. After the surprise wore off, Julian put his arms around her, reciprocating.

They stayed that way for a collection of seconds, simply breathing against one another. Ezri seemed to take strength in his embrace, in hiding her face in his uniform. Julian let her stay there as long as she wanted.

Ezri eventually released her hold on him, stepping slowly backward. She looked at him, an expression of peace on her face.

"Good night," she said softly.

"Good night."

She disappeared into her quarters and the door shut behind her. Julian stood in the hallway for a minute, staring at the closed door and wondering.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Ezri stared down at her shoes, waiting for Jeran to emerge. Captain Sisko was standing in one of Odo's holding cells, silent as Jeran's memories took hold. Odo stood nearby, soundless yet completely engaged, waiting for any little thing that might endanger the Captain or Ezri.

Ezri clamped her hands together at her back, trying not to look as nervous as she felt. Jeran was hardly manageable when he was a part of Dax. How could she possibly handle him on the outside? In that moment, her smallness seemed extreme. She wished she was tall and imposing like Jadzia had been. Then, perhaps, she wouldn't feel so intimidated.

"Ezri?" a strange, soothing voice asked. She looked up. Captain Sisko/Jeran was eying her carefully, his head set at a strange angle. A chill ran through Ezri.

"Yes?" she answered.

Jeran watched her carefully, a look of doubt on his face.

"You're not what I expected," he said.

Ezri looked away, not saying anything in response.

"I wonder at the wisdom of the Council these days," he said. "First Jadzia, now you…"

"I wasn't approved for Joining," Ezri said. "It was an accident. An emergency."

Jeran shook his head, clucking his tongue in disapproval.

"All the worse," he said. "You shouldn't have accepted it."

"I was the only one," Ezri explained, trying to keep her voice level. "There was no choice."

"There's always a choice," Jeran said, his voice still calm despite his words. "You could have rejected it, let Dax die."

"How could I do something like that?" Ezri asked. "How could anyone?"

Jeran shrugged.

"Perhaps it would have been better for Dax to die with so many good hosts than be soiled by bad ones."

"You would have died, too," Ezri pointed out, disturbed by what he was proposing.

"A worthy sacrifice," he answered, smiling wickedly. "You're not worthy of Dax. Jadzia's worth was questionable. Yours is obvious. You don't deserve to be Joined and even if you had lifetimes to live, you never would be. You're just not good enough."

Ezri's eyes grew wide. Every fear she had ever had, every insecurity she'd ever let pass through her mind, was staring her in the face. All her thoughts were being spoken at her and hearing them was even more painful than thinking them.

She stood there, speechless, unsure whether to cry or to scream out, denying everything he'd just said. She vacillated between the two extremes. Jeran just glared at her, pacing in the cell like a tiger.

"Don't listen to him," another voice said. Ezri turned to Odo, surprised that he'd spoken.

"What?" she said. A bit of the tension melted from her.

"Don't listen to him," he repeated. "He's not worth your time."

Ezri stared at Jeran, deciding.

Was Odo right? Were all these things that Jeran was saying, the things that had been going through her head ever since being Joined, all worthless? Was she entertaining lies? Was doubt slowly killing her from the inside?

She continued to stare Jeran down. He stared back at her.

She decided.

"You're wrong," she said.

"Excuse me?" Jeran asked.

"You're wrong about me," she said. "My Joining may not have been approved by the Council, but I am not so pathetic that Dax doesn't deserve me. Sure, brilliant and accomplished people have carried Dax before, but that doesn't mean that I can't. I'm no less than you or anyone else. You're wrong and this conversation is over." Jeran started to speak but she didn't listen.

Ezri walked out of the room into Odo's office. The guardian waited there.

"I'm finished," she said.

The guardian nodded, heading toward the holding cells. Once he was gone, Ezri collapsed into Odo's chair. A sigh of relief rushed out of her. Adrenaline ebbed through her veins and she couldn't help but smile.

Odo stepped into the office. She got up from the chair immediately, muttering,

"I'm sorry."

He just nodded.

Ezri paused, looking down at her hands. Then she said,

"Thank you for what you said in there. You made me realize what was really going on."

Odo nodded, then said bluntly,

"It was my job to protect you. Sometimes forcefields can't keep everything in."

Ezri smiled, knowing this was as personal as Odo would ever be. Her fondness for him swelled up in her. Her instinct was to hug him, but she knew that was too much for him. Instead, she gave him a smile and said,

"Thank you. You do your job well."

"Thank you," he said.

"Tell the guardian I'll be in the Replimat," she said.

"Of course."

With that, Ezri stepped out into the bustle of the Promenade, feeling as though she'd conquered the world. As she walked along the familiar route, she found she couldn't stop smiling.

,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,././

Ezri laughed for the thousandth time that hour.

"Curzon, you're hysterical," she said. Jake/Curzon smiled his thanks, then said,

"Do you want to hear the one about Benjamin and that woman on –"

"Not _that_ one," Captain Sisko cut in. "My son is right here."

"But you forget, old friend," Curzon said, "that I'm him now. He might already know."

"Still," Sisko said, "I'd rather we skip that particular story."

"Very well," Curzon said. "I have plenty of equally-interesting stories to tell. We don't _need_ yours. But why don't get go to _Quark's_ for a few drinks? Maybe some Tongo?"

"No Tongo this time, Old Man," Sisko said. "But the drinks we can do if you promise to go easy. I don't want my son suffering a—"

"I'll be good," Curzon promised. "Now, let's go."

As they left the quarters, Ezri leaned over to Sisko and asked,

"Benjamin, is it really safe to have him out?"

Sisko laughed and said,

"He's harmless."

,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,./,././

"Quark, my old friend!"

The Ferengi bartender eyed Jake/Curzon, obviously confused. Then he saw Ezri and Sisko approach and he said,

"I assume that crazy Trill body-switching ritual is still going on?"

"You assume correctly," Curzon answered, taking a seat at the bar. Quark involuntarily took a step away, asking,

"What can I get for you?"

Ezri stared at Curzon and Quark as they interacted, trying to hide a smile. Sisko noticed. He leaned toward her and said,

"They have history."

Ezri just nodded, thinking that there was never a dull moment in this entire ritual.

"Are you ready for tomorrow?" Sisko asked, his tone serious.

Tomorrow Kira was going to embody Jadzia.

Ezri turned to look her friend in the eye.

"Are you?" she asked. "You knew Jadzia. I'll be meeting her for the first time."

"I'm not the one you need to be worried about," Sisko said. "I've been through this before with Curzon." He nodded vaguely at Jake/Curzon who was still chatting with Quark.

"It's the rest of the crew," he said. "You might be seeing more people than usual after this."

Ezri had already considered that. She was the station's counselor, something that they desperately needed these days with the war going on, and she knew that her zhian'tara would have some negative effects on her colleagues.

"I know," she told him. "But if anyone was opposed to it, I would have done my zhian'tara back on Trill."

"I'm not putting any blame on you," he said.

"I know."

Sisko smiled.

"But that's tomorrow. Today, we celebrate."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Colonel Kira Nerys strode purposely into the quarters set aside for the zhian'tara. Ezri could see Kira's unease immediately in the set of her shoulders and the directness of her steps. Her eyes moved quickly, taking in the entire room. She didn't give Ezri the usual smile of greeting. She hardly looked at her at all.

_It's almost like she's expecting an enemy_, Ezri thought.

"Are you ready?" Ezri asked.

Kira's gaze moved to her. She gave a solemn nod.

The guardian put out his hands calmly, saying,

"Please come here so we can begin the transfer."

As the women stood side by side at the strange fire, Ezri leaned in.

"I really appreciate you doing this," she whispered.

Kira looked back at her and gave a little smile. Ezri felt better.

"I'm only sorry you couldn't spend time with Jadzia yourself," Ezri said.

Kira shook her head.

"I'll be here the entire time," she said.

Ezri nodded. "I guess you're right."

"Are you ready?" the guardian asked impatiently.

The women gave an affirmative and the guardian began.

At first, Kira kept her head down. Ezri watched carefully, waiting.

Then, Kira lifted her head and looked at Ezri. She smiled, but it wasn't Kira's smile. It was different, unique; it started at the center and bloomed until all her teeth were showing. Her eyes were open and bright.

"Hello," she said, her voice soft and with a strange inflection.

"Hello," Ezri answered.

Kira/Jadzia looked right at the guardian and said, "You can go now. I can handle it from here." The confidence in her voice surprised Ezri. She knew Jadzia would be confident, but this was more than she'd expected.

The guardian bowed and left. Once he left, Jadzia started around the room, hands held behind her back. She looked at everything, touching and admiring as she went along.

"I never thought I'd be back here," she said, running her hand along a bulkhead.

"I wanted to hold my zhian'tara here," Ezri explained. "All my friends are here."

At this comment, Jadzia looked at Ezri and gave her an impish smile. It seemed as though she was holding a laugh behind her teeth. She turned away and moved to the window, peering out.

"Do you like it here?" she asked.

"Yes," Ezri answered emphatically.

She smiled. "I did, too."

Ezri stood beside Jadzia, smiling at how Jadzia held her hands behind her back. Then, she said, "I'm sure you want to see your friends."

"Of course. But, after all, the zhian'tara is for you. We can worry about the others later."

"Sure," Ezri said, nervousness creeping up inside her.

"So, what do you want to ask me?" Jadzia asked, looking right at her. Ezri felt incredibly intimidated and found, to her embarrassment, that she was at a loss for words.

"I'm not really sure," she admitted. "It's kind of weird, talking to the person that I replaced."

"Replaced?" Jadzia repeated.

"Not only with Dax," Ezri clarified. "But here, on the station."

"Is that what you think?"

"No, that's not what I meant," Ezri started quickly. "I could never replace _you_. I'm not you. I never could be."

Jadzia laughed.

"What's so funny?" Ezri asked, a bit insulted.

"You," she said, smiling, and Ezri realized that Jadzia wasn't being mean. "Of course you'll never _be_ me. And, yet, I'm a part of you. So, in a way, you are me." Jadzia hesitated, looking at Ezri as though analyzing her. "It must still be confusing for you. You haven't been joined that long and you didn't go through the training to understand it in the first place."

"It's all a bit overwhelming at times," she admitted.

Jadzia gave her a small, sad smile.

"So, tell me – how is everyone doing?"

"They're doing well," Ezri answered. "Except for the war with the Dominion, of course. But we have the station back, so things are better now than they've been."

"And Benjamin is being the fearless leader?"

"As always."

"And I can tell Kira is fine. She's still with Odo?"

Ezri smiled and said,

"Yes."

"Has Julian flirted with you yet?"

Ezri blushed and Jadzia said,

"I see."

Then a silence fell and Ezri thought she could guess what Jadzia wanted to ask.

"And Worf?" Jadzia asked quietly.

"He's getting there," Ezri said, because it was the only thing she could think to say. Things were still…complicated.

Jadzia didn't say anything for a moment, just looked out at the stars. Then, changing her mood, she turned to Ezri and said,

"But enough about that. Tell me about yourself."

Julian stood outside the quarters where he knew Ezri was holding her zhian'tara, unsure what to do. Everything in him wanted to barge in and speak with Jadzia, but he wasn't positive that it was the right thing to do. Something about the whole situation made him think it was a bad idea to even involve himself. It'd be better for him to just stay in the infirmary or go shoot darts with Miles.

But he couldn't tear himself away.

He took a deep breath and pressed the chime for the door.

"Come in!" Ezri called from inside. He boldly stepped through the door.

Kira and Ezri sat on a couch with mugs in their hands, smiling at some residual joke. There was something strange and yet familiar about the way Kira sat and Julian knew immediately that Jadzia was present. The women looked up at him, the smiles fading slightly when they registered his presence.

"Julian!" Kira/Jadzia said, standing and smiling at him. "It's so good to see you!" She put down her mug and came over to him, embracing him in a firm hug. Julian hugged her back, but it felt strange to him because it looked and felt like Kira, but he knew it was really Jadzia.

"It's good to see you, too," he said, breaking off the embrace and stepping back. "Are you having a good time with Ezri?"

"Yes," she said, smiling at the smaller woman.

There was an awkward lag in the conversation, and Julian considered asking Ezri to leave when she said,

"I'll give you two a minute, if you'd like."

"Only if you don't mind," Julian said. "It is your zhian'tara after all."

"I don't mind," Ezri assured him. "I could use a chance to stretch my legs a bit."

Julian gave Ezri a nod and said, "It'll only be a minute, I promise."

"Take your time," Ezri insisted. She gave them each a smile and left.

Jadzia looked at Julian with that look that she reserved just for him, as though she suspected him of doing something bad.

"Well, Julian, what's on your mind?"


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Julian wondered why he had ever thought this would work. Why would talking to Dax about Dax help him figure everything out?

"I know that look," Kira/Jadzia said when Julian hesitated. "You've got a girl, don't you? Who is it?"

"Well, I'm not actually sure you can help me with this one…"

"It's Ezri, isn't it?"

"How did you know?" he asked.

Jadzia gave him her "come on, this is me we're talking about" look, one eyebrow cocked and her head tilted a bit.

"I always know," she said.

Julian had to give her that.

"Am I really that obvious?"

Jadzia nodded.

"I'd bet you ten slips of latinum that Miles knows, too," she said.

"Fine. Since you know so much, are you going to help me?"

"What seems to be the problem?" she asked, moving to sit down on the couch. "Ezri seems like a nice, easy-going girl." Julian joined her on the couch, thinking about where to start.

"I'm just not sure if it's going to work," he said. "We're really good friends and, honestly, I'm really afraid to ruin that."

"Julian." Jadzia looked him straight in the eye, never wavering. "When does life ever give you a second chance?"

"I suppose it doesn't, but-"

"Don't throw it away," she said, her voice serious. "Second chances are a very rare thing. When you're lucky enough to get one, you need to use it for all its worth."

He leaned back on the couch, thinking about what Jadzia had said. Dax was a sort of second chance, an opportunity to get another shot at things. Besides, Jadzia and Ezri were very different people. Just because things had never worked out with Jadzia didn't mean that he shouldn't at least try for something with Ezri.

"Living is about taking risks," Jadzia continued. "So take the risk. Think about what you might miss out on if you don't. It just might be worth it."

Julian was silent for a moment before saying,

"I'll think about it. Thanks."

"You're welcome, as always." Jadzia gave him her signature smile and he said,

"It really is so good to see you again."

"It's good to see you, too, Julian."

Ezri returned to find Julian and Jadzia reminiscing about Worf's bachelor party and how the men had been forced to carry large sticks around the station for a few days.

"I just couldn't wait to throttle the both of you," he said with a laugh as Ezri entered.

"I'm glad you two are having fun," she said.

"How was your walk?" Jadzia asked.

"Refreshing," Ezri answered with a small head nod.

"I don't mean to steal Jadzia," Julian said.

"Well, there are some more people who want to see her," Ezri said. "They're waiting at _Quark's_. Want to go?"

Jadzia smiled and answered, "I'd love to."

"This one's to old friends," Benjamin said as he lifted his glass of Synthale.

"Old friends," the others answered and drank. The entire senior staff had assembled at _Quark's_ to see Jadzia.

Quark leaned across the bar, saying,

"Since you're here, it's time to pay up on that last game of Tongo."

"I believe it is you who owes me," she said.

Quark waved his hands in defeat and said,

"Ah, who remembers anyway? Just to show my goodwill, that drink is on the house."

Jadzia leaned over to Ezri and said,

"Same old Quark. He'll try to cheat you out of everything you own, but his heart is bigger than the Alpha Quadrant."

Julian leaned in toward Ezri from the other side and added,

"But don't ever let him hear you say that."

"Point taken," Ezri said.

"It's so nice to be here," Jadzia said, looking around _Quark's_ fondly.

"It's so nice to have you here, Old Man," Benjamin said, coming up behind her stool at the bar and putting a hand on her shoulder. "I never expected this to actually happen."

"Me, either," Jadzia said. "I think it's only right to toast Ezri."

"No, that's not necessary," she said immediately, waving the suggestion away like a bothersome insect.

"No, I insist," Benjamin said. They lifted their glasses and Julian said,

"To new beginnings."

Jadzia smiled at Ezri as she repeated,

"To new beginnings."

Odo looked up from the criminal activity report he was reading when he heard the security office door open. Kira walked through the door, shaking out an arm and fixing a crick in her neck.

"Glad to have your body back?" he asked fondly, putting down his report as Kira came around the desk toward him.

"Definitely," she said. "I forgot how weird it is to have someone else in control of it."

Odo gave her a gruff laugh and Kira leaned down to kiss him.

"I'm sure you're glad to have me back," she said with a small smile, sitting on his desk. "Although, I'm sure it was nice to see Jadzia again."

Something in her expression made Odo take her hand.

"It was good of you to do that," he said. "To sacrifice being with her so that everyone else could."

Kira nodded, looking down at their joined hands as she said,

"I guess it just reminded me how much I miss her."

Now Odo looked at their hands, squeezing hers affectionately before bringing it to his lips and kissing it.

"I'm glad that Ezri decided to stay," she said. "At first, I wasn't sure how I felt about it, but now I'm glad. In a way, we still have Jadzia with us. And, somehow, that makes it a little better."

Odo looked at her and said,

"Then, I'm glad, too."

"Those were an interesting few days," Julian said to Ezri as they strolled on the Promenade the following afternoon. "Have you recovered yet?"

She smiled at his joke and said,

"They were definitely interesting. It's a bit strange to have conversations with the people who live inside me all the time."

"I would think so," he said. They ambled next to the big windows and Julian looked out just as the wormhole opened. They stopped to watch it and Ezri said,

"It must have been nice to see Jadzia again. I know you two were close friends."

"We were." Something in him wanted to add _"We are."_

They stood there, looking out at the stars and allowing the silence to sit comfortably between them.

"She had a lot of good friends," Ezri said softly. "There are a lot of good people here. I think I understand now why I decided to stay."

Julian hesitated, then said just as quietly,

"I'm glad you did."

Something in Julian's voice made Ezri look at him, at the unreadable expression on his face. He didn't turn to look at her, even though he could feel her gaze, but kept looking straight ahead when he said,

"I have something I need to tell you."

The counselor part of Ezri's brain turned on immediately and she blurted out,

"Take your time."

Now, he turned to look at her. He looked more scared than she'd ever seen him. Even in the midst of battle or surgery, she'd never seen this particular expression on his face. Her heart started to beat faster.

"Ezri, I really care about our friendship, but I think…"

When he didn't continue, she said,

"Yes?"

With a jolt of impulse, he took her face in his hands and kissed her full on the mouth.

Ezri was stiff at first, from the shock of it, but she relaxed into it and was surprised by how natural it felt. When he let her go, she looked up at him and said,

"That was unexpected."

He laughed – at her directness, at his nerve, and at how wonderful it all felt.

"So," she said, "I suppose…"

Julian shook his head and said,

"Maybe we should start with something a little simpler. Would you like to go to dinner with me tonight?"

Ezri smiled and said,

"I'd love to."

From the Author:

You made it! I made it! A huge thank you to everyone who stuck it out through this story! I know there was a huge hiatus. College and life got in the way and I had no time to myself, but I always loved this story and I really wanted to do it justice. I'm happy that I could finally finish it and that it still has some readership. This is actually the longest fanfiction piece that I've ever written. DS9 is a series near and dear to my heart and I feel honored to be able to contribute to the fandom. So, to all your DS9 lovers out there – thanks for reading and commenting and just being awesome. I hope that I didn't leave anything out and that this story wrapped up in a way that made your little DS9 hearts happy. :)


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